


Trolling Your Local Supervillain For Fun and Profit

by Peppermint_Miraculous (Peppermint_Shamrock)



Series: Peppermint's Ladynoir July One-Shots [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Borderline crack, Chat Noir Reveal, F/M, Gabriel Knows, Hawk Moth Reveal, Identity Reveal, LadyNoir - Freeform, Ladynoir July, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 17:05:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15151709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peppermint_Shamrock/pseuds/Peppermint_Miraculous
Summary: Ladybug and Chat Noir's ultimate plan to defeat Papillon?Prank calls.Written for Ladynoir July Day 3 Prompt - Playful





	Trolling Your Local Supervillain For Fun and Profit

**Author's Note:**

> This is **NOT** connected to my soulmate AU fic I posted a couple days ago. This is just silliness. As I said in the tags, borderline crack. There's no way it would be this easy and there would definitely be a more intense reaction to the reveals were I treating this seriously.
> 
> Also, in this fic, Gabriel knows Chat Noir's identity and hasn't done anything about it, for...reasons, I guess. Again, silliness.
> 
> Please enjoy Ladybug and Chat Noir acting absolutely ridiculous.

“Any sign?” Marinette asked as she landed next to Chat Noir. A suspected Akuma had popped up, then dropped off the radar before the heroes could do much. Which wasn’t unheard of, but was always annoying. It was quicker when the villains focused on trying to get the miraculous rather than running off on their own personal quests.

“Nope,” Chat Noir said, “but I found a cool feature on my staff!” Marinette gave him a disapproving look. “It’s useful, I swear!” he insisted. “Look – I can set a ringtone!”

“I can do that with an ordinary cell phone,” Marinette said, unimpressed.

“No, no!” Chat Noir said eagerly. “I can set the ringtone for _other people_ – what _they’ll_ hear when I call their phones from the staff – I bet you can do it with your yo-yo, too.”

“Huh,” Marinette said. “That does sound useful, letting civilians know that it’s you calling, so you reduce the risk of them ignoring your call when you really need them to pick up. You could set it to say something like ‘Important call from Chat Noir, please answer ASAP.’”

“Uh, yeah…it could say something like that, yeah,” he said, somewhat sheepishly. Marinette looked him dead in the eyes.

“You set it to the Nyan Cat song, didn’t you.”

“I might have set it to the Nyan Cat song,” he confirmed.

“You know, that probably still gets the same message across,” Marinette said, shaking her head in fond exasperation. She brought out her yo-yo to look for the feature on her own device. “I think I’m gonna set mine to the song Jagged Stone wrote for me.”

“A good choice,” Chat Noir said approvingly.

She looked back up at him. Now what? They still had no idea where to find the Akuma, and the ringtones had only kept them occupied for a moment. Then, a wild idea entered her head. She doubted it would work, but if it did…

“Hey,” she said slowly, displaying her yo-yo in her hand. “You know how we can call anyone on these? And it’s not like we ever entered each others numbers – I don’t even know if these _have_ phone numbers – do you think…”

His face settled in realization as he caught on to what she was getting at.

“…that we could...” he said, just as slowly.

“…call Papillon?” they finished in unison. Chat Noir grinned widely, and Marinette couldn’t help but return it.

“Let’s try it.”

.

.

.

Gabriel was growing frustrated with his latest minion. A short-tempered man who had had a stressful day at work and was short on sleep, he should have been the perfect victim – but after taking revenge on his boss, he had simply gone off to take a nap, and any attempts at directing the man were absolutely useless while he was asleep. Gabriel wasn’t quite ready to call it his _worst_ choice of victim yet (there were some serious contenders for that “honor”, after all), but his patience was growing _very_ thin.

His mood was definitely not made better when high pitched noises began emanating from his sceptre. Startled, he nearly dropped it, and saw that a glowing phone symbol had appeared on the top.

He drew in a breath. Someone was calling him? But how? He quickly reached the conclusion that only Ladybug and Chat Noir could possibly be calling and his heart-rate quickened in anticipation – perhaps they were willing to negotiate with him, to discuss the surrender of their Miraculous…

He tapped the symbol, and the annoying sound ceased as it vanished, replaced by a clear image of a grinning Chat Noir, Ladybug just barely in the view next to him. Gabriel didn’t like the look on Chat Noir’s face, but still went forward.

“Ladybug, Chat Noir. To what do I owe this call? I don’t suppose you are willing to discuss the terms of your surrender.”

“Nope!” Ladybug said cheerfully, poking her face into full view. “We just wanted to see if this would work.”

“Though, now that we have your attention,” Chat Noir, grinning even wider, “we do have a question for you.”

“Which is…?” Perhaps they were going to ask about his motivations?

“Is your refrigerator running?” Chat Noir said, and his grin turned smug, while Ladybug started giggling beside him.

Gabriel resisted the urge to throw his sceptre across the room. He _really_ should have known better.

.

.

.

He never should have answered that first time. From then on, it became a regular torture, as the heroes latched on to their one point of access to him as a means to annoy him as much as possible. He could easily ignore any calls placed while he was untransformed, but if he wanted to direct his chosen victim, he had to stay transformed for an extended period of time. Chat Noir took advantage of this as much as possible, calling continuously during each attack.

Gabriel tried to ignore the calls, at first. But there was no way to silence or change that infernal noise that rang out every time, and at least if Chat Noir was trying to annoy him on the phone, it kept the boy distracted and let Gabriel know where the heroes were if the akuma victim couldn’t see them. Not that it ended up helping much, in the end, but he always hoped it would. So he was forced to endure the endless stream of cliché prank calls and mockery.

“Hello, can I get an extra large pizza?” Chat Noir said.

“You realize how childish you are being right now, right?”

“Extra large, no cheese or else my kwami will eat it all before I do. Just the sauce, chicken, and bacon.”

“Extra bacon!” Ladybug shouted as she grabbed Gabriel’s current victim, spinning them across the room.

“Extra bacon?” Chat Noir shouted back, ducking as the villain swung at him, but still managed to dramatically clutch at his heart as he did so. “My Lady, are you trying to ruin my figure?”

“Oh please, you’re a twig!” she said, making a grab for the infected object, darting away as the villain turned on her. “If you ever came to my house, I bet my parents would make it their personal mission to fatten you up.”

“Is that an invitation?” Chat Noir said, raising his eyebrows suggestively at her.

“You wish, kitten,” Ladybug said, but added a wink.

God, the flirting was the worst part.

More frustrating were the times they insisted on getting a response out of him.

“You know, you need a theme song,” Chat Noir said as soon as Gabriel picked up the phone. “Ladybug has the song Jagged wrote for her, and I have every meme-able cat song ever. But what do you have? Nothing.”

“Just what do you hope to accomplish with this, Chat Noir?”

“I’m just trying to help you out, you know? You need a theme song.”

“I still say it should be ‘Poor Unfortunate Souls’,” Ladybug interjected, dropping in beside Chat Noir.

“Aw, I think he should get a say in this, Buginette, don’t you?”

“I’m not interested in your childish games. I’m only interested in your Miraculous that you still stubbornly refuse to hand over to end all this,” Gabriel said wearily.

“Funny, considering you started it,” Ladybug said. “And kitten, what have I said about calling me Buginette?”

“So what do you say, Papillon? Is ‘Poor Unfortunate Souls’ a good enough theme song or are you above ripping off cooler villains than you?” Chat Noir asked, avoiding Ladybug’s question.

Gabriel later consulted with Natalie whether there was a way he could ground Adrien for this nonsense without giving away that he was Papillon. She, unfortunately, told him that he couldn’t, and for that matter, that grounding Adrien was useless if he could just transform and jump out the window. Gabriel was not pleased, but he had to concede that point.

As soon as he got that ring, Adrien was getting grounded for _years_. Aside from obstructing his plans by playing superhero, these childish pranks were completely unbecoming and immature of his son.

And it was mostly Chat Noir that was pulling this nonsense. Ladybug chimed in, sure, and Gabriel blamed her for being half of the bad influence on his son (the other half was that disrespectful headphones kid), but Chat Noir was behind most of the calls and took the most pleasure in annoying Gabriel. In fact, Ladybug only called once.

“I am _personally_ offended by your fashion sense,” Ladybug said without preamble the instant he picked up. Gabriel nearly had a heart attack, thinking she had somehow identified him, until she turned her yo-yo towards the Akuma, which was being held off by Chat Noir. “I thought Bubbler was bad enough, but you’ve managed to outdo yourself. This design is an affront to anyone who has eyes.”

He did have to concede that today’s supervillain was one of his more garish ones, but he wouldn’t admit that out loud to Ladybug. Besides, this wasn’t work – he could make whatever ridiculous designs he pleased.

“I’m not interested in your input on the matter, Ladybug. I’m only interested in your Miraculous, as I have said several times…”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t you ever get tired of this? Not one of your incompetent fashion disasters have ever beaten us, and it’s not going to happen anytime soon. Or ever,” Ladybug said, with an irritatingly smug expression. He was about to retort something about them not getting tired of their childish phone calls, when Chat Noir popped in. Great, had the Akuma wandered off _again_? It was so hard to get competent brainwashed minions these days.

“What are we talking about?” Chat Noir asked, leaning in close to Ladybug. She pushed him back by the nose.

“Personal space, kitty,” she admonished playfully instead of answering.

“Personal space is a social construct,” Chat Noir retorted, but remained in the position Ladybug had pushed him into. She snorted.

“So’s language, and yet you never stop yapping,” she said, with a fond smile that made Gabriel feel sick.

“I do not _yap_! I mew!” Chat Noir protested, assuming a dramatic position to go with his mock offense.

Gabriel started asking Natalie to leave a supply of aspirin in the observatory after that.

.

.

.

“Come on, Ladybug, please?”

“No.”

“Pleeeeease! It’ll be funny!” Adrien tried to give his best, most wide-eyed innocent pleading look. Ladybug only stared at him impassively, as she had done every other time he had asked. After months of the duo pranking, trolling, and just generally annoying Papillon, Ladybug had still not agreed to do this one. And he needed her cooperation – he couldn’t call and play music on his staff at the same time.

“I’m not pulling up any music on my yo-yo,” she said, crossing her arms. “I’d rather have it on hand in case we break the akumatized object early, I’ve told you this. If it’s so important to you, take someone’s phone or something. But I’m telling you, he won’t get it. Does Papillon seem like the kind of guy to understand memes?”

“No, but…”

“So we’re not gonna Rickroll him. He won’t _get_ it, so it wouldn’t be funny.”

“It’d be funny for _me_ ,” Adrien grumbled, but let the matter drop. “So what _are_ we gonna do this time? We’re running out of ways to act ridiculous on the phone with him.”

Ladybug raised her eyebrows and stared at him.

“You? Run out of ways to act ridiculous? I have a hard time believing that.”

“Well, you know, _eventually_ ,” he said. “It’s just getting repetitive. We need a new tactic, or we’ll get bored.”

“Hmm…” Ladybug furrowed her eyebrows and bit her lip, looking off into nothing. “Why don’t we take a break for this one, kitten? Give us some time for more ideas. Besides, it’d be pretty funny if the whole time he’s expecting our call and it never comes.” She looked back up at him, waiting for his answer.

“Okay,” Adrien said. It was too bad, he really did enjoy trolling Papillon, but there was always another chance.

“Okay. Let’s split up and try and find that Akuma. If you spot him, call me and I’ll come to your location, and vice versa.” She turned to leave, and Adrien followed suit, turning in the other direction, before a single thought stopped him in his tracks. Ladybug noticed immediately, and asked him what was wrong.

“Ladybug…we can call each other, and we can call Papillon. We can track each other’s location when transformed, so…” he trailed off, and turned back around to face her. She didn’t say a word, and just stared at him, completely still, for so long that Adrien started to wondered if she was really still there.

“WHY HAVE WE NEVER TRIED THAT BEFORE?!?!?”

Adrien nearly fell off the roof, startled by her sudden outburst. Ladybug started pacing, and ranting.

“It would change everything! Everything! We could end this! Or maybe not that far, but we could get an advantage, at least. How have we not thought of this before? Months, _months_ , we’ve been calling him and never once did we…”

“Hey, hey, calm down, we don’t even know if it’ll work, yet,” Adrien interrupted, holding his hands up to placate her, before reaching for his staff. There was only one way to figure out if they could, after all. Ladybug came to his side, waiting with baited breath as he tapped at the screen.

Sure enough, an icon appeared. Adrien released his own breath as Ladybug exhaled next to him.

“Forget the Akuma, let’s take the fight straight to him, right now,” Adrien whispered.

“No, wait,” Ladybug said, voice equally low. Adrien looked at her in surprise. If they took out Papillon now, that would be the end of Akumas, right? Ladybug appeared to pick up on his confusion, and she clarified: “I mean, we should definitely follow that and see where it leads, but we shouldn’t rush in without a plan. Let’s see where his lair is, and figure out what to do from there.”

“Okay,” Adrien said, nodding. That made sense to him. He felt a thrill at finally, after months of being on the defensive, being able to gain an advantage in the overall fight. “Let’s go.”

The two heroes leapt across the rooftops, following the tracked signal to its source, bounding along until they reached…

“That’s my house,” Adrien said blankly, staring at the familiar building.

“Wait, what?! Your house, so you…you…Adrien???” Ladybug said, her voice growing shrill on his name.

“Yeah, that’s me,” Adrien said, still blankly staring at his house.

Ladybug stared, then muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like “jackpot”, but Adrien was still too busy blue screening at the sight of his house to really take note of that.

“Well, this sucks,” Ladybug said, this time loud enough for him to hear properly. He made some vague noise of agreement. “It doesn’t make any sense, though…he got akumatized…”

“He probably had Natalie do it to him or something,” Adrien said unhappily. “Well, this explains why he’s never around.”

“I’m getting you new parents,” Ladybug promised. They continued staring at the house for a while.

“Now what?” Adrien asked, his enthusiasm most certainly dead by this point. “I don’t want to have to fight my own father, but we can’t allow him to keep terrorizing the city.”

“We don’t have to fight him,” Ladybug said. Adrien looked at her skeptically. “We don’t! We’ve been pretty good at pranking him so far, and now that we know who he is, we have even more resources to do it.”

“Are you suggesting that we annoy him into giving up?” Adrien asked.

“Exactly.”

Adrien felt a smile return to his face.

“And you’re in the perfect position to do that, too!” Ladybug continued.

“Do you mean…teenage rebellion?” Adrien asked. It made sense, his father would definitely be annoyed by Adrien’s misbehavior. And it _was_ kind of an appealing idea, to get back at his father for…well, everything.

“Teenage rebellion,” Ladybug confirmed, nodding. “Don’t worry, I’ll help guide you with that.”

“Guide me?” Adrien asked, confused. Ladybug gave him a _look_.

“Listen, I love you, but your idea of rebellion is taking a second cookie from the ‘Free Sample: Take One’ plate.”

Adrien opened his mouth to protest, couldn’t think of anything, closed it again. He opened it a second time, but still no good argument came to him to convince Ladybug that he could definitely be rebellious if he _wanted_ to. Really, he could. He just…couldn’t think of anything at the moment. He finally settled on crossing his arms, definitely _didn’t_ pout, and asked her what exactly _she_ had in mind, then.

“I was thinking piercings, off-the-rack clothes, maybe tattoos if you want.” She sized him up, quite appreciatively, as though she were planning exactly how those would look on him. “Skipping your photoshoots, classes, etc. Hanging out with your friends when he told you no. Parties. And if you wanted to get our class involved, I bet everyone would love to toilet paper your house. Or even paintball it, if you’re up for that. Mess with his work things. Run away from home, stay with a friend. Or threaten to join the circus or get married or something.”

Adrien was nodding along, liking this plan more and more. This actually sounded like fun. Especially if he could do it with his friends. And he would definitely get a Ladybug tattoo if she let him…

Wait.

“Did you just say _our_ class?!”


End file.
